Trains

You know those times when it just feels like everything is going perfect? The weather is amazing, school/work is not that busy, and you are actually getting into the Word on the regular. That was my last two weeks.  It was awesome.  It was one of those times when I knew everything was right.  And then I got hit by a train.  This trains cargo was temptation, guilt, and laziness. I honestly think the weight of a large coal train would have been lighter. 

Everything that I worked so hard at to accomplish became easy. It was second nature. I thought that is what a Christian was striving towards. For all our Christiany things to become natural. In fact I still think it is our goal. So why has it been so hard. Why do I feel this weight now?

For one thing I think Satan doesn't like anyone striving to study and worship God.  While I think that is a big part of it, I don't know if that is a main reason or not. What I do know is that my attitude was so selfish in all those Christian actions.  It was as though I said to myself, "if I do this or that, I will get or feel x and y." 

I need to be in God's word so that I can battle sin and overcome temptation.  So that I can love my neighbor and live a right life. I know these things. But every day my biggest struggle is remembering that those things are not done by myself. God must give me the strength and ability to do those things. It is not about me. My actions don't save.