Haunting

Well here I am on a Monday afternoon watching the storm outside and trying to ignore the constant drip of water into the bowl in the room.  There is a crack in the ceiling and the large amounts of rain have made close acquaintances with both the crack and the warmth of our room.  This irritating noise got me thinking about my own personal life, and where I am spiritually.  Do I sound like the annoying drip, drip, drip to God.

Lately I have been utterly haunted by the idea of sin.  It is a weird haunting.  The type that is almost paralyzing in fear.  This is both good and bad.  I am glad that sin scares me.  In that sense it is comforting.  But the paralyzation of my soul is truly bothersome.  It is as though I cannot get the gumption or will power to stop my sin.  Over the last few months I have come to realize just how sinful I am.  I believe it was Martin Luther who said that everything we do is sinful, so you might as well sin boldly.  That is a paraphrase of course.  Sadly, that has become my attitude.  I am the epitome of the "i can't help it" attitude.

The good news for myself is this: God can help it.  Maybe I should start reading what I write and listening to my thoughts.  When will I learn to actually trust God to get me through any situation.  Hopefully soon. Or maybe it is a life long pursuit.